A good relationship is about finding the right person, and also being the right person.
Sex and porn addicts share certain characteristics. One of these common traits is that we are often drawn to people who are not available to us, or who would reject or abuse us. It may be that we’ve compartmentalized sex to the degree that we cannot allow it to mix with emotional intimacy or other forms of healthy connection. It may be that our self-esteem is so damaged that we search out only the people we think we deserve. It may be that we are subconsciously repeating patterns of neglect and abuse that we learned in childhood as a way to take control of them (even though they’re long in the past and therefore can’t be controlled). Whatever the reason, our ‘pickers’ are broken, and we’ll need to do quite a bit of work in therapy and with our 12-step sponsor to overcome this deficit. The good news is this type of healing and recovery is possible if we put in the effort. We really can find the mutually loving, prodependent relationship we’ve been hoping for.
Task for Today
Put your romantic life on hold while you figure out and correct the flaws in your approach.