All true progress takes place outside the comfort zone.
Love addicts, like sex and porn addicts, are largely in denial about the problematic nature of what they are doing. Rather than recognizing that they are the common denominator in their endless failed relationships, love addicts place the blame on their dates, lovers, partners, spouses, and anyone else with whom they’ve ever become entangled. Sometimes they become intensely controlling and demanding, trying to get their partner to love them the way they want to be loved, regardless of whether the other person is actually capable of doing that (and almost nobody ever is). Then, when that person inevitably fails them, they act out romantically once again, beginning anew their obsessive search for ‘the one.’ Over time, their willful blindness to personal experience traps them in a downwardly spiraling cycle of behaviors that both causes and increases their unhappiness.
Task for Today
Write down three ways your addiction has pushed you away from lasting love and intimacy. Share your list in therapy or a 12-step meeting.