Ripples

Tami VerHelst

Recently, I was out early morning and saw tiny bugs dropping onto the water and thought, “How amazing is the ripple created from such a tiny creature?” The tiny ripples were popping up all over the surface, creating gentle patterns on the water in the light of the sunrise.

For me, this was yet another life lesson in an unexpected place.

As I contemplated the effect of the bugs on the water, I reflected on the many ripples I have both created and experienced, large and small, in many ways and from so many sources. Sadly, some of them were harsh and hurtful, unkind words and actions that left me or others feeling dysregulated, sad, or (too often) abandoned. And unlike the ripples that can quickly disappear, many can leave a shadow or scar if left unattended. But I also reflected that if I choose to do so, I can let go of things that are not helpful to my connection with others and personal security and serenity.

If you listen to our webinars, I’ve shared that I am keenly aware of my abandonment wound, and when that gets poked, it hurts. I can “ripple” this hurt out if I choose, or I can engage in self-care to avoid getting stuck. Often, this involves reaching out to someone who knows me and can help me distinguish the real from the feeling.

Happily, there are many ripples of kindness and healing, too. If I focus on just the negative, I miss out on how people can step into the hurt space with me. When I do this, I’m not really abandoned and alone, as there are kind words and actions. And this truly happens. If I see the ripples of kindness and lean into them, I can also create outward ripples of kindness.

I can choose what I want to “ripple” to the world, to those in my water surface area. Knowing this, I can choose to ripple positivity and healing, mostly by helping others in ways that I have been helped. My hope is that those who need help will receive healing, and that, in time, they will ripple it back out. What a gift we can give in this!

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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.