Sex and Porn Addiction and Secrecy

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If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.

As active sex and porn addicts, we organized our entire lives around sexual fantasy and the behaviors that follow. We spent inordinate amounts of time thinking about, planning for, pursuing, and engaging in sexual activity (with ourselves and/or others). Sex became an obsession to the point where important relationships (spouses, kids, parents, friends, etc.), interests (exercise, hobbies, creativity, etc.), and responsibilities (work, finances, childcare, etc.) were ignored. Over time, our behaviors escalated to the point where we violated our personal values and moral code, which both created and intensified the feelings of shame that fueled our addiction. And because we felt so much shame about what we were doing, we found ourselves leading a double life, keeping our sexual compulsivity hidden from family, friends, and everyone else.

Task for Today
Identify three secrets you kept about your sexual life. Share these secrets in therapy or a 12-Step meeting.