Dr. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT
Active sex and porn addicts rarely view their sexual behavior as the cause of their unhappiness and life challenges. Even when they are neck deep in consequences, they somehow don’t let themselves view sex and pornography as contributing factors. In fact, they typically see sexual behavior as the solution to rather than the cause of their various life problems.
Because of this, sex and porn addicts are nearly always out of touch with the costs of their addictive sexuality, and they remain that way until a major crisis hits. Prior to that, they ignore blatant warning signs: damaged relationships, workplace reprimands, social and emotional isolation, financial problems, etc. They simply refuse to see or are unable to see the destructive effects of their sexual fantasies and behavior. This is their denial.
Unlike non-addicted people, who use past mistakes and consequences as a guide to future decision-making, sex and porn addicts choose to ignore the ways in which their problems are clearly and obviously related to their addiction. They place their search for sex at the top of their priority list without a second thought, no matter the cost. Instead of heeding the many warning signs of a serious problem, they rationalize, minimize, and justify their actions, often blaming others for the consequences they face.
- If my wife wasn’t such a cold fish, I wouldn’t need to look at porn.
- If my boss wasn’t such a jerk, I wouldn’t need to use the massage parlor to de-stress.
- If my partner hadn’t gained so much weight, I wouldn’t be cheating on her.
For some sex and porn addicts, this willful ignorance can go on for years. In fact, when confronted in the early stages of treatment with something as elemental as an adult-life sex and relationship history, many porn addicts are shocked to finally “discover” the extent and depth of their addictive behaviors.
* * * * * * * * * *
If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.