Scott Brassart
Last week, we discussed how sex and porn addicts can best work Step 1 of the 12 steps, along with the benefits of working that step. Step 1 explores the depth and consequences of our addiction, helping us break through the denial that justifies and supports our addictive behaviors.
This week, our focus logically moves to Step 2. Step 2 for sex and porn addiction recovery reads as follows:
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Basically, Step 2 introduces us to the general nature of the solution – that we, as addicts, must accept outside help if we hope to establish and maintain lasting sobriety.
Some of us, when we embark on the 12 steps, struggle with the closing words of Step 2, “restore us to sanity,” as this phrase suggests we are insane, and we rarely think that’s the case, no matter how bad our addiction has become. If someone else was engaging in the same behaviors as us, sure, that person would be totally nuts, but we somehow think that it’s OK for us to behave this way because…
When we find ourselves struggling with the “being crazy” concept, it helps to understand the addict’s definition of insanity: doing the same things over and over but expecting different results. In other words, the last hundred times we engaged in our addiction we did so whether we wanted to or not, we couldn’t stop once we started, and we did it despite the risk (or actuality) of negative life consequences. Yet somehow, we think that this time will be different.
Does that sound familiar?
Many of us also struggle with the words “power greater than ourselves,” interpreting that language to mean “God” or “organized religion.” However, this is not what that phrase means. Instead, these words typically refer to a mix of things like 12 Step recovery groups, supportive friends and family, therapists, therapy groups, etc. For some of us, God and religion enter the mix; for others, not so much.
Ultimately, the definition of “power greater than ourselves” depends as much on our personal belief system as anything else. So this step is less about God/religion and more about admitting that help is needed. Step 2 is a realization and an admission that we cannot establish lasting sobriety and recovery on our own. We need help.
What To Do…
The easiest way to work step 2 is to actually begin accepting help. Sometimes this starts with a want ad – a written description of the type of assistance we are seeking.
Sought: A power greater than myself to help me stay sober. Must be available for consultation and care about my health and wellbeing. Must understand the nature of my addiction. Must be nonjudgmental about my past.
Once we have a decent idea of the help we are looking for, we can begin the process of accepting that assistance (Step 3). Typically, it takes very little time to realize that accepting this type of help (help from a power greater than ourselves) is a very good idea, because doing so makes staying sober much, much easier.
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If you or someone you care about is struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, help is available. Seeking Integrity offers inpatient treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex addicts, as well as low-cost online workgroups. At the same time, SexandRelationshipHealing.com offers a variety of free webinars and drop-in discussion groups, podcasts, and more.