Do you stop loving someone just because they betray you? I don’t think so. That’s what makes the betrayal hurt so much.
When asked to describe our sexually addictive behaviors, most of us talk about various forms of sexploration—purely sexual activities lacking any sort of emotional component or connection, like watching porn, hiring prostitutes, webcam masturbation, and similar behaviors. Sexploration, so to speak. And we often think that because it doesn’t mean anything on an emotional level (to us), it’s not cheating and our significant other really shouldn’t care about it. However, our partners tend to view the situation differently. For them, cheating is more about the loss of relationship trust that any particular sexual activity. So, if we’re being sexual in any way and keeping this a secret from our partner, we’re violating relationship trust. In other words, we’re cheating.
Task for Today
Think of three ‘reasons’ you thought (and maybe still think) your sexually addictive behaviors are OK and won’t bother your significant other. Share these reasons in therapy or a 12-step meeting and ask for feedback.