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Substance/Sex Addiction: Essential Tasks in Early Recovery – Emotional Regulation

Dr. David Fawcett

If you engage in sexualized drug use, it is important to address and stabilize any acute situations you may be experiencing. You must make sure you are safe and that your health and life are not at risk. This may mean going to the doctor for a physical or the ER if you are having a medical emergency. It might also mean getting into residential or intensive outpatient treatment if you can’t stop using or acting out. If your substance of choice is a stimulant drug, you may experience paranoia and other psychotic symptoms that require assessment and stabilization.

In addition to the obvious and immediate measures, you should:

  • Engage in self-care.
  • Learn to manage triggers and cravings.
  • Learn to regulate your emotions without engaging in your addiction.
  • Build a support network.

In this post, I will address the third essential task for substance/sex recovery: healthy emotional regulation.

Once any crises and physical needs are stabilized, the next step is to carefully attend to your emotional well-being. This includes developing self-awareness around your thoughts and feelings, and the ability to regulate your emotions toward a balanced state using healthy coping mechanisms. It also involves the ability to process negative emotions and generate positive emotions, having healthy close relationships and feeling socially supported, and having a sense of meaning, purpose, and self-efficacy.

Other ways of regulating yourself can include cognitive restructuring, which occurs with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Reality testing and using problem-solving and emotional regulation skills such as those found in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), including techniques such as Wise Mind for distress tolerance, are also extremely useful. Self-regulation might also include one or more of the grounding techniques discussed below.

Before listing specific techniques, it’s important to note that the effectiveness of grounding techniques increases with practice. Like any skill, the more you practice, the more proficient you become.

sex under the influence.jpgThe following list presents a variety of useful grounding techniques. Experiment with different ones and select those that appeal to you for further practice.

  • The 5-4-3-2-1 Senses Method: Many people find this skill to be highly effective at quickly reconnecting them to the present. It is simply a countdown: Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This technique quickly engages all five senses, and the mental agility required distracts you from upsetting thoughts.
  • 4-7-8 Breathing: This technique uses breath as a tool to regulate the body and mind. Imagine a metronome counting off regular beats. Inhale for a count of four, preferably through your nose. Hold the breath for a count of seven. Then slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of eight. Doing this several times will reduce your stress symptoms. A longer outbreath signals the body to relax. This technique is so subtle that it can be done during a meeting or at a stoplight.
  • Visualize an Activity that Gives You Pleasure: Thinking about an activity you enjoy engages numerous senses and is a great way to refocus. For example, if you enjoy playing the piano, think about a favorite piece and imagine yourself playing it. Notice the keys as you strike them with your fingers, how your posture is at the keyboard, the sensation of the pedals under your feet, and the sound of the music itself. Don’t forget to notice any feelings or body sensations as you play through the piece in your mind.
  • Utilize Hot and Cold Temperatures: Utilizing temperature is an effective way of reconnecting with our bodies, especially if we have dropped into fantasy or dissociated. For example, someone who is activated by fight or flight feelings may find an ice pack soothing. The same person might also find relief from noticing the sensation of a cool drink as it is swallowed and travels through the esophagus to the stomach. Some people find that putting their hands in cold water can be helpful. Warm or hot temperatures can also be used. People who tend to go numb or cold with their feelings often find a heating pad or warm beverage soothing.
  • Hold an Object: Certain objects like stones, feathers, and beads can come to symbolize safety, healing, and emotional connectedness. If you have such an object in your life, try holding it in your hand. Feel its temperature, whether its surface is rough or smooth, cool or warm, hard or soft. Try to get a sense of any energy the object contains and how it feels in your hands.
  • Connect with Your Pet: It has long been recognized that animals are amazing companions for people, not only because of their unconditional love but because we can emotionally connect with them even when we are struggling with our human relationships. Hold your dog or cat, snuggle beside them, or put your bird on your finger. Look into their eyes. Stroke them and find their favorite spots. Feel any weight or heat from their body. Put your hand on their heart and feel the connection.
  • Eye Contact: Trauma therapists know that if someone is having a hard time regaining emotional balance and composure, it is helpful to have them open their eyes. This should be done, anyway, since it is easy to drop into fantasy with our eyes closed. When we make direct eye contact with another human being, there is something very grounding about that. It may not always be possible, but it is useful to remember this powerful technique.
  • Favorite Place: Think about your favorite place, one that elicits feelings of comfort and safety in your body. Using all your senses, imagine yourself in that place. What colors do you see? The blue of the sky, the green of grass, the bright shades of flowers? What do you smell? Ocean air or fallen leaves or freshly cut grass? Use all your senses to really be in this place for a few minutes, noticing the calming effect it has on your body and mind.
  • Connect with Your Body: Our bodies are the embodiment of who we are, and they have incredible wisdom. Connect with your body in any way you can. Some people prefer progressive relaxation, where they gradually tighten and release various muscle groups in the body. Others may feel grounded by giving themselves a hug and experiencing how the body reacts to that. Others may benefit from tapping acupoints in the body. Really listen for any messages your body may be telling you.

Any of the techniques listed here can be utilized to help you stay grounded and in the present when powerful thoughts and feelings push you off balance. The more you practice these skills, the more effective they will be, and they will eventually become second nature as you grow in your recovery.

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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.