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Substance/Sex Addiction: Essential Tasks in Early Recovery – External Support

Dr. David Fawcett

If you engage in sexualized drug use, it is important to address and stabilize any acute situations you may be experiencing. You must make sure you are safe and that your health and life are not at risk. This may mean going to the doctor for a physical or the ER if you are having a medical emergency. It might also mean getting into residential or intensive outpatient treatment if you can’t stop using or acting out. If your substance of choice is a stimulant drug, you may experience paranoia and other psychotic symptoms that require assessment and stabilization.

In addition to the obvious and immediate measures, you should:

  • Engage in self-care.
  • Learn to manage triggers and cravings.
  • Learn to regulate your emotions without engaging in your addiction.
  • Build a support network.

In this post, I will discuss the last of these tasks: building a support network that you can turn to when you are struggling.

Many addicts routinely begin to cut ties with people who may judge their behavior or interfere with time spent on their addictions. Shame, isolation, and a much-diminished support network are hallmarks of active addiction and early recovery. After years of practicing denial and gaslighting and removing themselves from people who might tell them the truth, addicts may find that they no longer have a clear grasp of their reality. This is why involvement with other people, especially other people in recovery, is such an important aspect of recovery. Other people in 12-step recovery meetings, group therapy, and other recovery settings become mirrors, reflecting back to addicts aspects of themselves that they cannot see on their own.

Be sure to make time to nurture and be active in your relationships and community. As Daniel Siegel states in Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation, “The neural networks around the sex under the influence.jpgheart and throughout the body are intimately interwoven with the resonance circuits in the brain—so that when we “feel felt’ (heard, understood, emotionally-connected) by another it also helps us to develop the internal strength of self-regulation, to become focused, thoughtful, and resourceful.”[i]

The emphasis here is on being proactive in reaching out because we all have an important need to belong. You can go to a 12-step meeting and share. You can also hang out with or call a trusted friend, a new friend, a colleague, a mentor, a sponsor, a family member, or someone who is struggling and could use a shoulder, a hug, and an ear. Reaching out can make all the difference in your and someone else’s day.

Is it possible to recover simply by going to 12-step or other recovery-focused meetings? Yes, of course it is. However, experience shows that the process of healing can be accelerated to a great degree by getting professional help. This can occur at many different levels of intensity, ranging from inpatient care to outpatient individual and group therapies. It is important to note that 12-step programs are not therapy. They are addiction-focused social support. Over the years, I have found that a combination of therapy and social support yields the best results for substance/sex addicts.

Finding the right therapist may require some trial-and-error. Not every therapist is a good fit for every client. Personality, training, experience, gender, and age are all important factors in the process. Professionals with the required expertise to treat sexualized drug use have various training and credentials. They may be certified addiction professionals, clinical social workers, marriage and family therapists, mental health therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Many are certified in trauma work, sex therapy, and a wide variety of clinical approaches. One credential that is extremely important for sexualized drug users is the CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) designation. In fact, I would suggest that CSAT therapists are almost a must for substance/sex addicts.

Some therapists offer an introductory consultation. This is a good opportunity to get a sense of them, their style, and their potential fit with you. Follow your instinct in selecting a therapist. Choosing the right clinician for you is an important decision.

[i] Siegel, D.J. (2010). Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. Bantam.

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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.