Addictions are an attempt to externally fill an internal void.
Sex and porn addicts share certain characteristics. One of these common traits is that even when we got the love of another person, it wasn’t enough and we were unable to stop lusting after others. This is generally the result of our internalized shame and low self-esteem. We think we are not good enough, and that we are unworthy of true love and intimacy. Some of us describe this as ‘the hole in the soul.’ And that hole is so wide and so deep that no single connection with another person could possibly fill it. So we keep searching for someone or something else. What we fail to realize is that the only way to fill the void is to work on our inner selves. There is no external fix for the hole in the soul. Day by day, as part of our process of recovery and healing, we combat our shame and damaged self-image. We do this by living with honesty and integrity. In time, we begin to see ourselves as worthy of love and connection. We heal our self-image, and suddenly the connections we have are more than enough to fill the hole.
Task for Today
List three things you value about the emotional intimacy you have in your life.