We don’t learn by doing, we learn by reflecting on what we’ve done.
For many recovering sex and porn addicts, Step 4 is a huge sticking point. The idea of taking a long, hard look at ourselves and our behavior just isn’t appealing—especially if we’re still engaging in the type of denial that externalizes the blame for our addiction. We all know the drill: “I use porn because my family treats me badly,” “I get erotic massages because my partner is not as interested in sex as I am,” etc. If we are justifying our addiction in this way, taking any type of action that forces us to see our own role in our addiction and its consequences seems frightening, daunting, shaming, depressing, etc. And who needs that, right? Well, we do. Until we take Step 4, we stay stuck in denial, and we are more vulnerable to relapse.
Task for Today
If you have not worked Step 4, talk to your sponsor about getting started. If you have worked Step 4, share in a meeting about what you learned from it.