By Tim Stein
Meditation from Gifts of Recovery.
Growth happens at the edge of your comfort zone.
–Therapy Lesson
Consistency is comfortable but consistency stifles growth. If we do what we have always done, we will get what we have always got. But if we move to the edge of our comfort zone, we allow ourselves to do something different, and that is when growth happens.
In what ways have I stayed in my comfort zone? Are the results I am getting by staying in my comfort zone what I truly want? What gifts await me as I open myself to the awkward and uncomfortable prospect of trying something new?
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Change is uncomfortable. There is an often-cited statistic that the five most stressful things in life are moving, a new job, getting married, having a child, and the death of someone close to you. These stresses do not represent negatives in life, they represent change and a movement, either voluntarily or involuntarily, out of your comfort zone. When clients walk into our office, they are seeking change and, as clinicians, we know the process of creating that change will be uncomfortable. To get where they want to go, it will be necessary for them to move out of their comfort zone. There is no other way.
When person or someone stays too long in their comfort zone, they become stagnant. When an addict stays too long in their comfort zone, they are vulnerable to their addictive patterns creeping back in and possible relapse. As clinicians, we see both of these patterns when clients who have previously graduated out of therapy return to our office due to the same old issues rearing their head again. This is not to say that individuals must stay in a constant state of distress to avoid recurring issues and difficulties. This is to say there is a significant difference between a growth state and a complacent state.
In a complacent state, we assume that things will continue to be fine and take action when problems are so significant that they can no longer be ignored. In a growth state, we appreciate that things are going well but monitor their status, act to stay on course or consciously embrace the challenge of a new course, and continually develop the skills that support the things in our life that are going well. Sometimes this growth state is actively practicing a new skill so it becomes easier and more refined like a musician practicing a new technique or a client practicing a recently learned communication tool. Sometimes this growth state is simply exercising established skills like a musician picking up their instrument to play a song or a client using communication tools in their conversation with a friend. A growth state is not letting your instrument gather dust or being unconscious and thoughtless while communicating.
When clinicians terminate with clients, it is common for us to review the client’s work, highlight their insights, review the changes they have made, and discuss their maintenance plan, which typically has an aspect of continued growth included. This continued growth might be maintaining a meditation practice, continuing effective relationship patterns, sustaining new responses to emotional experiences, or keeping new boundaries in place. All of these practices ask our client to stay, to varying degrees, at the edge of their comfort zone. They ask our client to continue being thoughtful in their life, which facilitates growth, even if they experience this growth as maintaining or not back-sliding.
As wounded healers, it is important that we too continue to grow. We have done our work in recovery, which means we know all too well the wreckage in our wake. There is too much at stake for us, our loved ones, and our careers to become complacent. So, we continue to attend recovery meetings, maintain a recovery routine, are rigorously honest, and lean into our recovery even when it feels uncomfortable. We might also consciously develop our life outside of our recovery with hobbies, interests, and social activities. Lastly, we consciously integrate everything. The skills of recovery are not only for staying sober. They are also for finding appropriate focus with hobbies while maintaining other responsibilities in life. They are for embracing new interests while continuing helpful routines. They are for embracing social activities while nurturing existing relationships.
The growth that comes from moving out of or actively seeking the edge of your comfort zone is integral to sustained and successful recovery.