The Power of Obstacle Immunity

Scott Brassart

Addicts of all types tend to enmesh themselves in toxic behavior patterns, the most obvious of which is emotional and psychological escape. When faced with stress and life challenges, they choose to escape—to numb their feelings of fear and discomfort with addictive substances and behaviors. Rather than facing the obstacles and disappointments that inevitably crop up in life, they avoid them.

Addicts do this because they’ve learned, usually early in life, that it is easier and safer (there is less chance of failing and feeling ashamed) if they just look the other way and pretend that their problems aren’t there. So now, as adults, when they are confronted with an obstacle, they avoid it and look for an easier, softer way to get by. And for many addicts, that easier, softer way is a toxic pattern of escape and dissociation via addictive substances and behaviors.

In recovery, of course, addicts find that they must now face life’s challenges instead of dodging them. And life does continually present them with challenges—flat tires, job strife, pandemics, etc. Unfortunately, because they’ve spent most of their lives in the toxic pattern of avoiding rather than facing life’s obstacles, they often feel stuck when they run into one. They find that they don’t know how to overcome even the simplest of challenges because they’ve never done it before. In short, they lack obstacle immunity.

Obstacle immunity develops when addicts consciously step away from the toxic dance of escape and avoidance. As they do this, they slowly but steadily learn how to face and overcome the challenges and disappointments of life. Over time, as they engage in this new, healthier pattern of dealing with life on life’s terms, they develop obstacle immunity. Eventually, even the biggest of obstacles will barely slow them down. Often, they find that they enjoy facing and overcoming life’s challenges. They may even think of something they’ve always wanted to do but were afraid of failing at and then set themselves the challenge of doing it.

In his book, The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi writes, “The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times…. The best moments usually occur when [our] body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” This statement applies very specifically to addiction recovery. When recovering addicts challenge themselves to break away from their toxic pattern of escaping through addiction, they stretch their bodies and minds and even their souls in ways they never thought possible, and they tend to find this process immensely rewarding.

Happily, any recovering addict can develop obstacle immunity. The first step is to challenge themselves. For many, especially those new to the process of recovery and healing, a good challenge might be to stay sober for the next 24 hours or to attend 90 recovery-focused meetings in 90 days. As sobriety is better established and recovery progresses, challenges might include going back to school or repairing a damaged relationship or even running a marathon. The trick is to start with a challenge that can be met (like staying sober at least until the next 12-step meeting) and then trying to do a little bit more tomorrow and every day after. With this approach, recovering addicts can break the toxic pattern of escape and establish a new pattern of living life to its fullest.

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If you or someone you care about is struggling with sex or porn addiction, help is available. For porn addicts, Seeking Integrity offers a low-cost online workgroup series. Click HERE for information. We offer a similar workgroup series for sex addicts. Click HERE for information.