In her most recent SexandRelationshipHealing.com webinar, Debbie McRae discussed resolutions for both betrayed partners and recovering addicts as they move forward in the New Year. In that presentation, she listed and explained ten resolutions for each group. You can watch that webinar by clicking this link.
The resolutions she presented are as follows:
10 New Year’s Resolutions for the Betrayed Spouse
- Resolve to focus on yourself more this year-stop focusing solely on your addict partner, family members or friends.
- Resolve to make your healing and recovery work a number one priority.
- Resolve to work on controlling your negative thoughts.
- Resolve to become assertive and ask for actions from your recovering (addict) partner that hold them accountable.
- Resolve to create your own consistent recovery experience if you don’t currently see a therapist or attend a recovery group for betrayal.
- Resolve to not to stay stuck in a victim mentality.
- Resolve to respond rather than react to your recovering (addict) partner.
- Resolve to develop a plan for emotional regulation and use when you are triggered.
- Resolve to choose your support system of people wisely.
- Resolve to be yourself-show up with honesty and authenticity with your recovering (addict) partner.
10 New Year’s Resolutions for the Addict Partner
- Resolve to end any addictive, sexually compulsive behaviors that you are currently engaging in.
- Resolve to stop the lies, the trickle-down truth, the gaslighting, stonewalling, blame shifting and deceptive behavior.
- Resolve to be more proactive in discussing your recovery work with your betrayed partner.
- Resolve to being open to answering any questions that your betrayed partner asks.
- Resolve to attend a formal addiction recovery group, if you’re not currently attending one.
- Resolve to be more compassionate and empathetic towards your betrayed partner.
- Resolve to choose your support system of people wisely.
- Resolve to lead a life of transparency, openness honesty and integrity.
- Resolve to ask your betrayed partner to identify one thing you can do each week to support their recovery and feelings of safety.
- Resolve to commit 100% to your marriage and to your spouse’s healing and do whatever it takes.
Debbie McRae (MAPC, LPC, CSAT, EMDR-C, BSP) is a licensed therapist specializing in clients who are dealing with the Trauma of Betrayal, Sex & Porn Addictions, Narcissistic Abuse, Childhood Trauma, and Marital Relationship Issues. With a focus on the mind-body connection, she compassionately guides her clients in understanding and changing their unhealthy thinking patterns, reframing their self-limiting shame-based beliefs, and in reprocessing the trauma held in their body. Her approach is very highly individualized, solution-focused, and supported by the latest reliable research. She believes that we “repeat what we don’t repair” and we have the power to heal from our pain. Lasting healing and recovery is absolutely achievable!
As one of the first therapists nationwide to implement and facilitate Betrayal Trauma Healing Groups using the Prodependence approach, she has integrated several methods and tools that support long-term recovery. She is a certified EMDR therapist and an IITAP Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). She is also trained in Accelerated Resolution Therapy, Brainspotting, EFT (couples), and hypnotherapy. She can be reached at Debbie McRae Counseling.