Did You Gaslight a Loved One?

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Gaslighting is used to shift the blame for bad behavior onto the person who is being victimized.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves the presentation of false information followed by dogged insistence that the information is true. Over time, gaslighters cause their loved ones to feel crazy and to question their perception of reality. As recovering sex and porn addicts, most of us think we couldn’t have pulled that off because our partners are way too smart to fall for it. But in reality, that’s not the case. Mostly this is because our lies start slowly and believably, such as, “I’m sorry, honey, but I have to work late tonight and won’t be home until midnight.” Over time, as our lies escalate, our partners grow accustomed to more outrageous stories, such as, “I told you during breakfast on Friday I was going away for work for the weekend. You must have still been half-asleep when I told you.” It’s a bit like placing a frog in a pot of warm water that is then set to boil. Because the temperature increases very slowly, the innocent frog never even realizes it’s being cooked.

Task for Today
Consider the lies you told your partner and how those lies escalated over time.