Courage is resistance to fear, not the absence of fear.
Love addicts spend the bulk of their time either searching for the perfect love interest or wriggling out of their current relationship so they can focus on a new one. They constantly check their profiles on Match.com, eHarmony, Ashley Madison (even though they’re not married), JDate (even though they’re not Jewish), etc. Almost every decision they make—what to wear, where to eat, where to socialize, where to exercise, what job to have—is colored by their desire to meet and hook their perfect partner, the one person who can make them feel complete and whole and perpetually excited about their relationship. But that is not really what they’re seeking. Like sex and porn addicts, substance addicts, and all other addicts, love addicts use their behavior as a distraction—to escape from stress, depression, anxiety, and other forms of emotional and psychological discomfort.
Task for Today
When you feel the compulsive urge to pursue romance, think about the feelings you’re trying to avoid. And then talk about those feelings with your therapist, your sponsor, or a friend in recovery.