Nontraditional Sexual Interests

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Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

Lots of sex and porn addicts have an interest in kinks, fetishes, same-sex activity, etc. And many of us would prefer that our partner not know these ‘dirty little secrets,’ worried we might be rejected because of it. So we secretly act out our desires. We tell ourselves lies like, “Getting a spanking from a sex worker isn’t cheating because she/he never actually touches me. So what if I masturbate immediately afterward?” If we find ourselves justifying infidelity with thoughts like these, we should think about honesty with our partner. If it’s a fetish we’re into, our partner might surprise us by agreeing to indulge it. If it’s same-sex behavior (and our primary partner is opposite-sex), our partner is likely to at least appreciate our honesty. It’s possible that he or she will even allow it within certain limits – though it’s more likely he or she will view it the same as any other form of cheating. What we know for sure is that our partners won’t support continued lying and secret-keeping.

Task for Today
Share a secret sexual desire with your partner, in therapy, or in a 12-Step sexual recovery meeting.