As addicts, we’re not in denial. We’re just selective about the reality we accept.
After we sexually act out, we attempt to distance ourselves emotionally from what we’ve just done. We justify our behaviors, telling ourselves, “If my spouse was nicer to me, I wouldn’t need to do this.” We minimize our behaviors, telling ourselves, “Nobody knows that I just spent six hours looking at and masturbating to pornography, and nobody got hurt by what I did, so it’s no big deal.” We rationalize our behaviors, telling ourselves, “Hooking up with people online for mutual masturbation isn’t really cheating, because I don’t actually touch anyone, and I don’t even use my real name.”
Just for Today
List five things you tell yourself in the immediate aftermath of acting out. Then ask yourself, “Are these things true, or are they lies that I use to justify my addiction?”