Get Gritty

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Over time, grit is what separates fruitful lives from aimlessness.

Research shows that when kids are praised for being hard workers, they do better than kids who are praised just for winning, or being smart, or whatever. So, with kids, the positive message should be more about hard work than success. Learning the value of hard works helps kids develop the kind of grit that will serve them well throughout their lives. The same is true with addicts. As recovering addicts, we need to understand that the key to lasting sobriety is putting in the effort – working the 12 Steps, addressing painful underlying issues, and surrounding ourselves with others who are also putting in the effort.

Task for Today
Be gritty in recovery. Deal with a step, memory, or feeling that is difficult for you.

Sex and Porn Addiction Are Not Fun

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

If you need an analogy for addiction, imagine living without air. Then imagine something worse.

When we say the words sex addiction to non-addicted people, the kneejerk response is often something like: “Hey, sounds fun. Sign me up.” In truth, sex and porn addiction are the opposite of fun. They are filled with desperation and loneliness, and they lead to shame, depression, anxiety, and a wide variety of negative consequences, just like every other form of addiction. Sex and porn addiction are not about having a good time any more than alcoholism and drug addiction are about having a good time.

Task for Today
List three ways your addiction has steered you away from rather than toward fun and enjoyment.

Step Nine: The Promises of Recovery

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Your past cannot be changed, but your future can.

For many recovering addicts, Step 9 is a key step on the road to lasting recovery and a life changed for the better. This change for the better occurs so often that the book Alcoholics Anonymous lists what are commonly called ‘The Promises’ at the conclusion of Step 9. The Promises, as delineated by AA, read as follows:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

These promises are equally applicable to Step 9 with other addictions, including sex and porn addiction. If we want them, they are there for the taking.

Task for Today
Think about the ninth step promises. Which are you most looking forward to? Have any of the promises come true for you already?

Why is My Partner So Angry?

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

As recovering sex and porn addicts, we often wonder why our partner is so angry and so unable to just ‘get over it’ after we stop with the cheating and lying. We want to know why he or she seems so angry that the good things we’re doing for our recovery, our relationship, and our lives seem to go unnoticed and unappreciated. In such cases, we need to understand that because we lied and kept important secrets (including secrets about sex) from our partner, and we did that for a very long time, he or she is not going to immediately trust us the way that he or she once did. For our partner, all of the good things we’ve done and are currently doing pale in comparison to our violation of relationship trust. Our partners, when they find out we’ve cheated, lied, and kept important secrets, are not going to get over that until we rebuild trust – and rebuilding relationship trust is an arduous process that typically takes a year or more.

Task for Today
Be patient with your partner, understanding that he or she is struggling to trust you because you betrayed the relationship.

Working the Twelve Steps

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

You didn’t come this far to only come this far.

There is no right or wrong way to work the 12 Steps. There are as many ways to work the steps as there are people working them. The important thing is not how you work them, but that you do work them. It is also important to remember that working the steps is not something that you do alone. Rather, it is a collective effort – recovering addicts helping other recovering addicts to achieve and maintain sobriety. You may not enjoy the process of working the steps, but ultimately you will realize they’re helping you stay sober, connect with others, and live a happier life.

Task for Today
Think of an objection you have to working the steps and debunk it. If you need help with this task, ask for it.

Triggers

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Feelings load the gun; addiction pulls the trigger.

Almost anything can be a trigger for sex and porn addiction. Even memories of past traumas can be present-day triggers. For instance, if your boss looks at one of your coworkers crossly, this might remind you of your alcoholic father, which creates emotional discomfort – fear, anger, shame, etc. – and you therefore feel triggered, even though your boss’s expression has nothing at all to do with you in the present moment. This is just life, and as addicts we must learn to deal with this sort of thing by accepting the fact that we’re going to be triggered and we need to respond when we’re triggered by implementing healthy coping mechanisms instead of acting out.

Task for Today
Think about the last time you were triggered. What set you off? Was it something major, or just normal, everyday life?