We don’t learn by doing, we learn by reflecting on what we’ve done.
For many recovering sex addicts, step four is a huge sticking point. The idea of taking a long, hard look at ourselves and our behavior just isn’t appealing—especially if we’re still engaging in the type of denial that externalizes the blame for our addiction. We say: “I use porn because my family treated me badly,” “I get erotic massages because my partner is not as interested in sex as I am,” etc. If we are justifying our addiction in this way, taking an action that forces us to see our own role in the addiction and its consequences seems unnecessary, not to mention frightening, daunting, shaming, depressing, etc. And who needs that, right? Well, we do. Until we take step four, we stay stuck in denial, and because of this we are more vulnerable to relapse.
Just for Today:
If I have not worked step four, I will talk to my sponsor about getting started. If I have worked step four, I will share in a meeting about what I learned from it.