Accepting Life on Life’s Terms

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous has a passage that states, “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems.” This is as true for sex and porn addicts as it is for alcoholics. One of our biggest triggers toward sexually addictive behavior is wanting and trying to control a situation that is not ours to control. As the AA Big Book says, “When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation, some fact of my life, unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” So, if we want to establish and maintain lasting sobriety, we need to learn to accept people, places, and things exactly as they are.

Task for Today
Stay in your own hula hoop. If it’s not within the boundaries of your hula hoop, don’t try to control it. Notice how your stress levels decrease when you do this.

Entitlement

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

When we feel entitled to something, we’ll step all over someone else to get it.

As sex and porn addicts, we often feel entitled to act out. We convince ourselves that what we desire is no less than what we deserve, no matter that we may be hurting loved ones and others in the process. Rather than feeling grateful for our blessings, including the fact that many people do love and care about us, we decide that they and everyone else owe us something. We say, “Just look at all that I do for my family. I deserve a little reward, a little something that’s just for me.” So we decide to get what’s ours, no matter the consequences.

Task for Today
Identify a ‘lie of entitlement’ you’ve used to justify your addictive behavior. Share that lie with another person. Ask for feedback.

The Hawthorne Effect

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Accountability breeds success.

Have you ever been jogging or riding your bike and you thought you were doing great and then someone passed you? If so, what did you do in response? You sped up, of course. Because that’s the natural human response. When we have others around us, we put in more effort and get better results. Scientists refer to this as the Hawthorne Effect. Whatever it is that we’re trying to achieve, we’re more likely to get there when we have others around us. Nowhere is this more true than addiction recovery. Countless studies show that when we try to establish and maintain sobriety on our own, we tend to struggle. But when we try to do the same in the company of others, we’re likely to succeed. As recovering addicts, we do better when we’re not alone—if for no other reason than the Hawthorne Effect kicks in and we work harder.

Task for Today
Share your goals for recovery with trusted friends and family, knowing that when the people around you know what your goals are, you’re more likely to achieve them.

Developing Obstacle Immunity

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Obstacles do not block the path. They are the path.

Life constantly presents difficulties—financial challenges, injury, illness, flat tires, tornadoes, and all sorts of other crazy and totally unexpected stuff. And most people, especially addicts, because we’ve spent our entire lives avoiding rather than facing and overcoming challenges, are stuck when we run into one. We don’t know how to overcome even the simplest of obstacles because we’ve never done it before. The good news is that anyone, even a recovering sex or porn addict, can develop what is known as ‘obstacle immunity.’ This is where we learn how to face and overcome obstacles (usually because we’re doing it on a regular basis). When we develop obstacle immunity, even the biggest problems don’t deter us. In fact, they barely slow us down. Sometimes, we find that we actually enjoy facing and overcoming them.

Task for Today
Pick an obstacle you’ve been avoiding and overcome it. If you need advice or assistance, ask for it.

The ‘G’ Word

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

Some recovering sex and porn addicts, especially those new to recovery, can get turned off by other addicts’ use of the word God during 12-step recovery meetings. An easy way around this is to understand that 12-step programs are not in any way religious, and they do not in any way try to define how we should conceptualize God. So, when we see the word God, we can substitute any other term that we are comfortable with—Spirit, Goddess, Higher Power, or anything else. We should not get hung up on the ‘G’ word in ways that might interfere with our sobriety. Religious belief is not a requirement for recovery.

Task for Today
Ask yourself what the word God means to you, and how you feel about that. If you struggle with it, think of alternative terms that might work better for you.

Working Step 5

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Addiction helps you keep secrets. Recovery helps you own them.

After we’ve completed our Step 4 inventories, many of us find ourselves feeling lower than low and more alone than ever. Deeply ashamed of the things we’ve done, we might think we’re the worst person on earth. And now, with Step 5, we’re supposed to share the exact nature of our wrongs with God, ourselves, and another person. Most of us would rather not do that. Now some truth: If we do not work Step 5 with complete and total honesty, our risk of relapse increases significantly.

Task for Today
I will look at any secrets I am keeping and I will ask myself why.