Sex and Porn Addiction Are Not About Sex. They’re About Escape.

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

You can’t avoid reality forever.

Sex and porn addicts share certain characteristics. One of these common traits is that starting in adolescence (and sometimes earlier) we learned to use sexual fantasy and masturbation to avoid feelings. And we continued this tendency into our adult lives. In other words, we learned early on that sex could be used to escape emotional discomfort. Often, it was the easiest and most reliable form of self-soothing and emotional regulation we could find, so it became our go-to coping mechanism. Stated another way, we learned to use sexual fantasy and masturbation for the same reason alcoholics drink and drug addicts use—to escape fear, stress, depression, anxiety, boredom, and anything else we didn’t want to feel.

Task for Today
When you experience emotional discomfort, sit with it and experience it instead of numbing out with your addiction.

Holiday Survival: Get Grateful

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough.

Researcher Brené Brown has studied happiness for nearly 20 years, conducting in-depth interviews with thousands of individuals. Over the years, she has identified one significant difference between happy people and unhappy people: Happy people are grateful for what they have. Whatever they have, they are grateful for it. Instead of focusing on what they don’t have, or what they might not have, or how dreadful their future might look, they focus on the present moment and the blessings in their lives. So, anytime we feel stressed or blue, especially during the holiday season, we can pause and create a short gratitude list. Nothing chases away the holiday blues faster than gratitude.

Task for Today
Create a ten-item holiday gratitude list.

Don’t Just Say I Love You, Show It

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

Telling someone that you love them is nice, but actions speak much louder than words. That said, you needn’t show love with extravagant gestures. In fact, little things tend to ultimately be more meaningful. So, listen to what your loved ones say and try to really hear it. Let it sink in. Remember the dates and events that are important to them. If it’s on their calendar, make sure it’s on your calendar too. Most importantly, spend time with them. Do some things they enjoy and help them with tasks they don’t enjoy. And make sure you invite them to join in activities that you enjoy. It doesn’t matter what you do together if they understand that your goal is to spend time together.

Task for Today
Do something nice for a person you care about. Just because.

Sex vs. Food

All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

Sex is a healthful behavior—until it becomes an obsession and spirals out of control.

Sex and porn addiction and eating disorders are similar in many ways. For starters, these behaviors are (for most people, most of the time) healthy and essential to life. In fact, eating and being sexual contribute to survival of both the individual and the species. (This is why our brains are programmed to experience pleasure when we engage in these activities.) Unfortunately, for vulnerable individuals (people at-risk for addiction thanks to genetics, trauma, or their environment), this inborn pleasure response can become a go-to coping mechanism utilized to deal with any and all forms of emotional and psychological discomfort, turned to time and time again until the individual loses control over it.

Task for Today
Picture a life where you are sexual only in healthy ways, much like a person with an eating disorder must learn to eat in healthy ways.

Holiday Survival: Remember What’s Really Important

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

The holidays are a time of renewal, hope, giving, helping, sharing, and, most of all, love.

We’ve all seen the holiday specials on TV. And they’re always about realizing what’s truly important. Whether the hero is Georgy Bailey, Ralphie Parker, Charlie Brown, Frosty, Virginia, or even the Grinch, the message is always the same. The holiday season is about love. The holidays are about celebrating our connections with family and friends. If we make this our theme for the holidays, the people around us will pick up on that, and they will make it their theme as well. In this way, we are much more likely to feel ‘a part of’ rather than ‘apart from’ during the holidays.

Task for Today
Invite a family member or a close friend to engage in a holiday activity with you.

Sex and Porn Addiction and Withdrawal

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.

In early sexual sobriety, even the smallest annoyance can feel like a major issue. Without our go-to coping mechanism (compulsive sexuality), we tend to overreact and blow up. We get angry with ourselves and others, we cry, we’re afraid, we’re lonely, etc. As such, in early recovery we are not always fun to be around. This is our (mostly emotional rather than physical) form of withdrawal. If we find that we are experiencing this, we must talk about our feelings with a supportive person who is knowledgeable about sex and porn addiction and the process of recovery. Unchecked withdrawal symptoms can lead not only to sex and porn addiction relapse, but to depression, anxiety, irritability, and similar issues.

Task for Today
Pay attention to your feelings. Share about them with a supportive friend.

If you or a loved one are struggling with sex or porn addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. Call  (747) 234-HEAL (4325).