I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal.
For many active sex and porn addicts, the immediate and best solution to a loss of relationship trust is to continue lying, but to do so more effectively. If our partners either cannot or will not allow themselves to see us as untrustworthy, this tactic can work quiet well. For a while, anyway. And if we choose this path, as we get away with our increasing lies and secrets we tend to think, Great, problem solved. Except our real problems are very definitely not solved. Even when our partners choose to believe our ever-increasing lies, usually because they don’t want to experience the pain of not believing us, they still feel our emotional distance and unavailability, which is not good for our relationship. Plus, we are likely to cheat again and get caught again, and when that happens our relationship will deteriorate even further. So, if we value our relationship, it is imperative that we stop lying, stop keeping secrets, and start living our lives openly and honestly.
Task for Today
Try to understand the ways in which your secrets and lies are damaging your relationship and causing your partner great pain.