How Many 12-Step Meetings Until I’m Cured?

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

The question is not how to get cured, but how to live.

One common misconception about professional treatment for sex and porn addiction is that after completing the recommended program, we will never again struggle with problematic sexual behaviors. This is not, in fact, the case. In reality, there is no cure for sex or porn addiction (or any other addiction), and we must battle the addiction on an ongoing, lifelong basis. Our desire to act out sexually does not go away. It lessens, certainly, and we learn to respond in non-addictive ways when triggered, but our desire to engage in the addiction does not disappear entirely, no matter how good a treatment center is or how motivated we are to fully recover. This does not, however, mean that professional treatment is not valuable. Nearly always, it is an incredible jumpstart for healing and recovery, helping us break through our denial and preparing us for the lifetime of work to come.

Task for Today
Accept that you can get better every day but you’ll never be completely well.

The Sexnology Factor

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

Nearly everyone in modern Western culture either owns or has easy access to a computer, laptop, tablet, pad, smartphone, or some other internet-enabled digital device. As a result, we now have 24/7 access to information, entertainment, and social interaction—with much of that material and interconnectivity being sexual in nature. For most people, this is not an issue. They can play with and enjoy sexnology in healthy ways without becoming addicted or experiencing negative consequences, just as most people are able to enjoy things like alcohol, gambling, video gaming, and recreational drugs without becoming addicted or experiencing major problems. For sex and porn addicts, however, technology can be a danger zone. As such, we must set and maintain healthy boundaries around our use of technology.

Task for Today
Think about the interplay of digital technology with your addiction. Porn? Apps? Websites? Webcams? And what else?

Sex and Porn Addiction Are Not Fun

All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

Lots of people joke about sex addiction, saying, “Where do I sign up?” Those people don’t understand what it’s like to be a sex addict.

Many people view sex and porn addictions as less serious than ‘real’ addictions (i.e., substance addictions). In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Sex and porn addiction bring the same types and levels of misery as alcoholism and drug addiction—relationship trouble, issues at work or in school, declining physical or emotional health (depression, anxiety, loss of self-esteem, etc.), emotional and physical isolation, financial woes, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, legal trouble, and more.

Task for Today
Remember the downside of your addiction and use that as motivation for recovery.

Becoming Vulnerable

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

You are worthy of love and intimate connection.

Becoming vulnerable means trusting both ourselves and others. It is the only way to live honestly, with integrity and authenticity. When we become vulnerable—in friendships and in intimate relationships—we open ourselves up to the possibility of being wounded, trusting that we are worthy of love and that the other person won’t decide to hurt us. This is a very scary thing to do, but the ultimate rewards are joy and true connection. It’s worth the risk.

Task for Today
Be vulnerable and trust that you’ll be loved in return—eventually, if not right away.

Working Step 4

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.

As it is with all of the 12 steps, there is no set way to work the fourth step. If we look around, we will find all sorts of methodologies suggested in online forums, articles, and recovery centric books. And any of these methods will likely work for us, as long as they’re constructed with the same basic goal—for us to see the ways in which we were an active participant in our addiction and its consequences. No matter how we choose to work Step 4, we need to look at our part in the addiction and its consequences.

Task for Today
Take full responsibility for your addiction and the problems it has caused.

Stop Saying “I Can’t”

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author. Click the book cover image to purchase the book on Amazon.

Challenges test our courage and our ability to change.

In both our lives and our recovery, it is counterproductive to look at something daunting and say, “No way, I’ll never pull that off.” Instead of saying “I can’t,” we need to acquire and master the tools we need to succeed, one tool at a time. And then we must give it a shot, whatever our challenge happens to be. As we master each new tool, we learn what it feels like to use it and succeed with it, and then we’re ready and excited about learning and using and succeeding with the next tool. Success breeds success. And that is an incredible feeling. But we can only experience that feeling when we toss our preconceived notions about what we can and can’t do into the garbage.

Task for Today
Listen for the words “I can’t” and change them to “I can.”