Stimulant Abuse Paired with Sexual Addiction

All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement that binds us.

Cross and co-occurring addictions are relatively common with sex and porn addicts. Stimulant drugs like cocaine and methamphetamine (aka, ‘meth’ or ‘crystal meth’) are often the co-occurring drug of choice. Alcohol, GHB, MDMA, and various other ‘party drugs’ are also used in conjunction with sexual addiction, but cocaine and meth are most prevalent. This is because cocaine and meth allow users to be sexual for several hours (or even days) at a time. Unfortunately, stimulant drugs (and most other drugs of abuse) are highly disinhibiting, which means the user’s beliefs about the need for safer sex may disappear when high, greatly increasing the risk for HIV and other STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and numerous other life and health consequences. Plus, stimulant abuse is highly destructive in its own right, both physically and mentally.

Task for Today
Talk about your substance use/abuse with your therapist or in a 12-step meeting. Ask for feedback.

But It Was Just a Webcam!

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

There is no more piercing betrayal than infidelity. People are undone by it.

As our world has moved increasingly into the virtual/digital arena, the once clear line between sexual fidelity and cheating has, in many instances, gone blurry. Generally, the question that begs to be answered is this: Is live, in-person contact required for sexual infidelity, or does digital sexual activity count equally? To answer this question, researchers conducted a survey of individuals whose partners were engaging in significant amounts of extramarital sexual activity, either online or in the real world. Probably the most important finding of this study was that when it comes to the negative effects of one partner having sex outside a supposedly monogamous relationship, tech-based and in-the-flesh sexuality are no different. The lying, the emotional distancing, and the pain of learning about the betrayal all feel exactly the same to the betrayed partner.

Task for Today
Think about ways you’ve acted out sexually that you previously dismissed as not cheating or not part of your addiction. In light of the information above, do you now feel differently about those behaviors?

Can Teens Be Sex and Porn Addicts?

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Most parents (and schools) are afraid to talk to kids about things like sex, porn, and addictions.

Asking if teens can become sexually addicted is a bit like asking if they can become alcoholic or drug addicted. Of course they can. In fact, they are every bit as vulnerable as adults to addictions of all types—perhaps more vulnerable because their emotional immaturity has prevented them from developing healthy coping skills, and because adolescent brains are more malleable (and therefore more easily wired toward addictive stimuli) than adult brains. This may be even more true with sexual stimuli than other stimuli, considering a primary evolutionary task of adolescence is focusing on and learning about sex.

Task for Today
Think about how old you were when your sexual addiction kicked in? Discuss this in therapy or a 12-step meeting.

Creating a Sexual Sobriety Plan

All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

It is not wise to leave a dragon out of your calculations if you live near him.

Many sex and porn addicts new to the healing process openly wonder: “If sexual sobriety doesn’t require lasting sexual abstinence, what does it require?” Interestingly, there is no cut-and-dried answer to this question. Each of us arrives in recovery with a unique life history and set of problems, along with highly individualized goals for the future. Thus, each of us, with the help of our therapist or sponsor, must craft a personalized version of sexual sobriety. To do this, we must first delineate the sexual behaviors that do and do not compromise or destroy our values (fidelity, not hurting others, etc.), life circumstances (keeping a job, not getting arrested, etc.), and relationships. We then commit in a written sexual sobriety contract to only engage in sexual behaviors that are non-problematic (for us). As long as our sexual behavior does not violate these highly individualized boundaries, we are sexually sober.

Task for Today
If you do not have a sexual sobriety plan, create one. If you do have one, review it with your therapist and your sponsor.

The Pain That Drives Our Disorder

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where we stumble, there lies our treasure.

Addictions form primarily because early-life traumas have poisoned the well of interpersonal attachment. As Gabor Maté writes in his book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, “A hurt is at the center of all addictive behaviors.” Basically, thanks to unresolved early-life trauma, we learn to associate fear rather than comfort with human intimacy and attachment. Thus, we refuse to turn to others, even loved ones, for help when we’re struggling or feeling down. Instead, we compulsively and obsessively self-soothe by numbing out with an addictive substance or behavior.

Task for Today
Tell a loved one about an unresolved wound from your childhood. Accept the love, support, and empathy that person gives you in return.

Being Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual Does Not Make You a Sex or Porn Addict

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All daily inspirations can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Healing and Recovery. Used here with permission of the author.

Sex and porn addiction are unrelated to who or what it is that turns a person on.

There is a widely held perception that people with non-traditional (i.e., non-heterosexual) sexual orientations are, by nature, hypersexual—especially gay and bisexual men. This is not in fact the case. In reality, gay and bisexual men (and other members of the LGBT community) are no more or less sexual than their straight counterparts. Perhaps some of this ‘oversexed’ belief arises from the fact that topics like ‘gay sex’ are still attention-getters in both the media and private conversations, despite the many recent worldwide advances in the normalization of homosexuality and homosexual behaviors. Either way, a person’s sexual arousal template is not a factor in terms of identifying, diagnosing, and treating sex or porn addiction.

Task for Today
Try to separate the nature of your primary sexual and romantic attractions from your addiction.